Becoming his Monster Page 11

  “Kiss me, Lena, kiss me right now before I do something we will both regret,” he urged, and I turned over, staring up at him.

  “No, no, you want me? Earn it.”

  His mouth crushed against mine and I moaned against his sinfully delicious mouth. I felt too many emotions as he held me there, kissing me softly until he slowly pulled away from my mouth to stare down at me. I rolled him over, straddling him as I stared into his endless eyes. My hand lifted, and I slapped him, hard, tears streaming down my cheeks as I watched him take it. Over and over, I hit him until a sob ripped from my lips.

  “I know,” he growled as he rolled us, pinning my arms against the softness of the bed. “I failed you, I know. You shouldn’t have been the one to die, but then you seemed hell-bent on ending your own life. You were reckless and had you come to me, we could be in a very different place right now. I would have done whatever it took to protect you from this. Whatever it took,” he uttered as he stared into my eyes, his meaning crisp and clear. “We’d be together, all three of us.”

  “In a world you destroyed? Do you think I could have lived in it? My family is safe because I had the balls to do what I had to do to save them. You think he wouldn’t have come after them? I was the bait to his trap; he’d have killed us all to get to you. You and I both know that once you’d unleashed whatever the hell you’re hiding from us, this world wouldn’t exist anymore. You may have gone on, and you may have saved me, but what about everyone else? What about my family and my friends.”

  The tick in his jaw moved, and I didn’t need him to tell me or answer me. It didn’t take a soul to know he’d have wiped out a world to protect someone he cared about. Whatever he was, he was powerful enough that Gods had brought me back to keep him happy. Not that I wasn’t thankful, but I had a feeling they weren’t done messing with my life.

  “I should go,” I informed him softly, hesitantly, but he didn’t let me move or get up. Instead, he just hovered there, close enough that he was inhaling my scent, and I wondered if he was relearning me. Learning how to track me by scent alone? I lifted up, claiming his mouth without warning. My arms wrapped around him as I took from him. My tongue pushed deeper, finding his and dueling against until he growled thickly. The need was brutal, sending a wavering ache deep in my belly. I moaned against his heated kiss as I slowly pulled back, staring into the liquid pools of desire that watched me.

  “You kiss me like that again, and I swear to everything within me, I won’t let you leave this room unscathed.”

  “I’m sure it’s hard for you,” I mused as he rolled from me and sat up, placing his head in his hands as he rubbed his temples in frustration. “Discovering your ex is back from the grave. We’ve gone through too much together,” I mumbled as I stood, fixing my clothes. “But I meant it, Lucian. You want me; you have to prove you deserve me. I went to hell and back, and I sacrificed our child. So no, I’m not ready for this, for whatever it is. Whether you just want to fuck me or fuck with me, I’m not ready to go there. I can’t,” I said as I moved to the door.

  “It was never like that and you fucking know it,” he snapped, moving to the door to slam it shut. “You…”

  “I what, Lucian? I poured out my fucking feelings and gave you everything I had, and you threw it away? You made me feel as if I didn’t matter. Like what I said to you had no fucking meaning, and then you left me in that room to cry alone. Tell me I’m wrong,” I whispered thickly as emotions swirled to life inside of me. His fiery glare made my stomach ache; my body tightened, and yet it wouldn’t be that easy this time. I had shit I was trying to deal with, and his issues weren’t my problem.

  Chapter 15

  I surveyed Synthia, watching her endlessly as she ran the Guild with quick, efficient tasks that had people milling about as they set up perimeters and checkpoints around the city. Alden listened and offered advice when she stumbled, as if they’d done this a million times before. Creatures walked about, accepting orders and rushing to do as she bid them to. She was a natural-born leader, one crafted to rule this Guild. I hoped that one day, when the world wasn’t collapsing around me, I could be as she was now: strong, fierce, and a total badass. These creatures worked together towards one goal: to protect those who weren’t strong enough to protect themselves. As I sighed, Ristan turned from where he stood across the room and slowly made his way to the stairs, sitting beside me.

  “You think you don’t fit in here, but you do,” he stated offhandedly as I turned my heavy stare towards him. “You see the girl with red hair? The one who placed the wards against you in the dome? That is Erie; she’s not here of her own free will, more here to hide from the thing which is hunting her. She’s forced to choose between hiding here or being used to save an entire race.”

  “And yet she chooses to be here, why?” I countered as I took in the warrior who turned her bright blue eyes in my direction and then tossed red curls over her shoulder, dismissing me.

  “Choices are tricky. Her race and the one that depends on her did that to her face, a warning to any who thought to love her or mate with her. Druids do not birth females, and yet she is one. Magic is what created her. Same as you,” he said softly as he smiled, and Olivia blushed across from us as she placed a hand on her swollen belly.

  “She is close to her time,” I said sadly. I took in the couples that worked together like one well-oiled machine. Ciara and Blane bent over a map as Synthia pointed out things to them. Ryder stood behind her, his eyes surveying as he listened. They’d been through hell, and yet they’d come out stronger for it, because of it. I’d listened to Synthia as she gave me a quick rundown of what had happened to her and it only made me respect her more.

  Maybe there was hope for me after all? Maybe.

  “You’re lost inside that head of yours again,” Ristan said as his silver eyes held mine with sadness. “Change is hard; changing who you are is a lot harder. It doesn’t mean you’re not you, though, Lena. It just means you evolved, and that makes you stronger. Most people would have given into the darkness, welcoming it to take away that pain. You didn’t, and Nyx is right: there’s a war coming to this world, and we can use someone like you on our side. You were given a second chance, it’s more than a lot of people get. Don’t throw it away. Use that pain to harness it, to redirect it after those who think to hurt you or anyone you care about.”

  “I’m like this because of what he is,” I said with a subtle nod in Lucian’s direction. “I’m here because he is something big, something deadly. They brought me back to keep him from destroying this world, doesn’t that bother you?”

  “If he wanted this world destroyed, it would be. If he wanted us dead, he’d be against us, not helping us track down those who opened the gates. He’s trying to undo what has begun. We can’t push everything that escaped them back through. All we can do is close the gates and hunt down those that are here, feeding off the human race.”

  “That’s pretty optimistic, all things considered,” I scoffed angrily. I’d seen the monsters that had crawled out of those open gates, and they weren’t feeding on the humans, they were slaughtering them.

  “The sky is always falling around here, and yet the world continues to turn. The sun continues to rise. I learned long ago that we make our own choices, and most of the time they’re fucking wrong. Some so wrong that you end up scarred for life because of it. How you decide to wear those scars, though, that is up to you. My own father brutalized me for what I was, for a choice he’d made. He claimed my mother as a concubine and then hated what they created together. He spent my entire life trying to destroy what he’d created: me. My sister, she was tortured as well. He cut and broke her ribs until she learned to take his torture in complete silence. When he took her ribs, bending them from her chest, she didn’t utter one single cry from her lips. Yet in our own way, we loved him. We killed him, but yet his scars didn’t define who we would become. He didn’t shape us i
nto what we are. You lost something, and you’re still trying to learn how to live without it. It’s your scar, Lena. Wear it proudly; know that you cared enough to shield others from carrying your burden. You’re a fucking badass in your own right. You got a nod from a Goddess for your valor. Most creatures never even know they still exist and you had two willing to move mountains to bring you back from the grave before you’d even placed one foot into it.”

  “Isn’t Synthia a Goddess?” I asked as she lifted turbulent blue eyes to mine, smiling before she bent her head back over the map she was studying.

  “She doesn’t count, she’s new,” he chuckled. “My point is, death wasn’t your fucking end; it’s your beginning. You decide what happens from here on out. Don’t waste it pining away on what could have been, and if you shove people away enough, they’ll eventually stay away.”

  “They’re safer without me,” I acknowledged, holding up a hand to staunch off any retort he may have had. “If the Gods told me to murder them, I would. Hades had full control over me, Ristan. He could have told me to take my own head, and I would have. It wouldn’t be something I could ignore if he ordered me to do it. He told me to drop my weapons, and even though I didn’t want to, I did. I know you’re trying to help and that you mean well, but that’s my family. They’re my bloodline. They’re safer from me if they fear what I have become. If they die, then what am I fighting to protect? No, Ristan, fear keeps people sharp, it keeps them alive; it forces them to prepare, to take steps against what can happen. They’ve warded against me, which makes them safer than before, when they thought I was just the girl they’d lost. Now they know I’m not her, and they’re safer for believing that. Let them fear what I have become. They won’t make a mistake and think I’m the girl they buried in that empty grave.”

  “You’re trying to scare everyone with what you’ve become, but Spyder seems unaffected by it,” he snorted, and my eyes followed his to where Spyder had bent down, whispering in Lucian’s ear. I tilted my head, watching him as he stood erect, moving directly towards my location with a stereo carried at his side. My eyes dropped to his waist, noting the sack that had dried, black from my blood. My heart continued to beat inside the sack, and I frowned.

  “He is off his fucking rocker,” I muttered as I stood, watching him approach, wondering why my heart, the old one, was in the sack he’d tied to his waistband. Which he continually carried around like a trophy.

  My gaze followed him as he sat the stereo down and smiled at up at me as I narrowed my eyes on him. “I see you, Lena. I see you.”

  “What the hell does that even mean?” I snapped as I crossed my arms to give him a blank look.

  “I see you, Kitty, and this little façade you’re playing, showing everyone the dark side of you, it ends now.” His tone was hard, but the seriousness in his eyes played with my heartstrings. Was my mash that cracked? His finger pushed against the play button and I stared at the old boom box he’d pilfered from somewhere as Rick Springfield’s Jessie’s Girl started to play. He stood to his impressive height and wiggled his brows as he watched my face contort into utter horror.

  The look in his eyes made my hackles rise as everything said to run away, quickly. My eyes slowly took in the people who now all stared in our direction, fully aware of the spectacle he was making of this. The music was loud, grating against my inhuman senses as I watched him.

  “Are we fighting?” I asked, doing my best to ignore the fact that everyone was watching us. His lips started moving as he sang with the vocals. Loudly and off-tune in a deep baritone that sounded out of place. My eyes grew large, rounded as his body started moving, his hands clapping as he found the beat and just went with it. It was like a train wreck that I couldn’t look away from. Spyder dancing was almost as scary as Spyder fighting back in that sex club in Portland. His feet moved, his hips rocked as he stared at me, serenading me in front of the entire Guild with no fear of being laughed at. He actually looked…hot…

  “Oh, we’re dancing.” My tone was filled with awkwardness as I watched his massive body moving, hips gyrating as his neck moved to the beat.

  He got closer, mouthing the words as his body continued and he started moving around me in a circle. I looked between him and Lucian, and then back to the dancing maniac who was watching me like I was about to be eaten whole. His eyes darkened as he got to the part about it being mute. I swallowed hard as he near-shouted the words, holding deathly still until that part of the song had passed. Then once again, as if he hadn’t just professed his love through the lyrics, he started dancing faster as if he couldn’t help it.

  Spyder grabbed my hand, pulling me closer before he threw up his hands as he found the beat again. I lost the fight. I threw my head back and laughed, the sound foreign to my ears. I couldn’t stop laughing. I laughed so hard that I held my stomach as it hurt from laughing so hard as I landed on my knees on the floor, continuing to laugh uncontrollably.

  Tears streamed down my face, unchecked as the laughter rippled through me. He dropped down in front of me, settling on his knees as his dark eyes held mine.

  “There she is,” he uttered breathlessly. “There’s my pretty kitty. I see you. You’re in there, still you. I want you back.”

  “You’re insane.”

  “If dancing like a fucking idiot to a song that makes total sense to me about you gets you to laugh, I’ll do it a thousand times a day just to see you smile.”

  “Fine, but you have to get rid of that,” I said, pointing at the bag still tied to his jeans.

  “No fucking way. I’ve been fighting Ristan off tooth and nail because he eats hearts. This one is mine; it’s the only piece of you I can get away with having.”

  I turned, staring at all the eyes that watched us, and groaned the moment I caught the heavy, heated narrow midnight gaze across the room. I leaned over, kissing Spyder gently against his lips chastely. “You and I will always have Portland,” I murmured before I pulled away from him, standing back up to my feet.

  “What happened in Portland?” Ristan asked as he popped another kernel of popcorn into his mouth and crunched it. “Oh, come on, this is better than Demon-On-Demand and Fae-Per-View together! It’s like an actual drama without the commercials or waiting for the next episode!”

  “Ristan,” Spyder growled.

  “Good job, big guy. You made her smile. I almost like you now. I’d like you a lot more if you gave me that heart,” he chuckled, and I rolled my eyes as I headed towards the door, dismissing them both for their crazy antics.

  Chapter 16

  Grueling pain mingled with aches as hour after hour of testing our skills went by. The sun had risen and was just beginning to set as the twinge of being watched sent a shiver up my spine. They’d poured out of the Guild to watch as we’d honed and tested our skills. We’d done this vigorously as we’d trained without knowing what we were, and while we knew what we were now, it still didn’t let us know our limits. Sweat dripped and pooled between my breasts until I slipped the jacket from my shoulders.

  I fought to forget. To endlessly hone my skills while forgetting the pain even for a few moments. It felt as if it weighed me down, a vise grip around my throat that never released, never lessened its hold. It felt as if I was slowly drowning and no matter how much I fought, I sunk deeper into the watery depths.

  Music started, Imagine Dragons’s Natural erupted, filling the evening in the beat and I turned, staring at Spyder who smirked back, the stereo held high above his head as if he’d stepped out of the screen from Say Anything. It was official; he was my favorite monster, but clinically insane or high on acid. It was really fifty-fifty there. I stood there, dumbfounded as I watched his smirk turn into a smile that sorta scared and excited me. He wasn’t right in the head; that much was clear. I shook off the laughter that threatened to bubble up and looked back to Joshua who glared over my shoulder, at Spyder.

  Today m
y heart beat; it beat endlessly as my arms burned with each massive swing of the blades I wielded. My body ached with a need only one man or being could fix; which was an entirely different problem I had no desire to settle anytime soon. Not until that fucker earned it, not after what his actions and plans had done to me. That wasn’t something I could just forget or sweep under the rug. Not when our child had paid for it with his tiny life.

  Our child.

  The innocent being who I’d sacrificed to protect from evil that he’d housed. That burned me the most; the need for revenge was a constant thing on my mind. It was almost like it fueled the hatred inside of me. I knew one creature that would pay for what had been done to us, one who would be ripped apart the moment I had the chance.

  “Damn you, Lenny. Focus!” Joshua snarled as I drew blood with my blade. I paused, watching the black droplets that leaked from the wound.

  “I am!”

  “No, you’re not, or I wouldn’t be bleeding, now would I? You’re lost inside your fucking head again,” he accused as he dropped the tip of the blade to the street and started at me.

  “So what if I am? I’m still kicking your ass,” I pointed out flippantly.

  My sword cut through the air, swiping and defending as he brought his up to counter each blow easily. Blow after blow crashed against metal, but my arms were weakening, and every swing grew harder as the burn ate through me. I ended it, sending his blades crashing to the ground, and watched as he lifted his hands in surrender.

  “Are you tiring?” he asked and shook his head as his eyes rounded with surprise.

  “I don’t tire,” I lied, and he puckered his lips and then whistled low as his eyes adjusted from black to blue, staring at me with worry.