Darkest Before Dawn (A Guardian's Diary Book 1) Page 12

  “He, well, he likes full control. I’m not sure he’s an option for a first timer.” I answered her honestly because let’s face it, I knew zero about this shit, and he was a fucking pro.

  “Is he a Dom?”

  “Yes, no, I don’t know!” I was in so far over my head I was drowning. I scrubbed my hands over my face in frustration as I tried to gather my thoughts. “Look, he was all ready to bang me when the girls were killed, Addy. I don’t have time for guys considering there are rabid wolves out there. If I hadn’t been almost handing him myself on a platter, they might still be alive.” I knew I was rambling, and for some reason couldn’t stop.

  “Oh please, don’t give me that bullshit. Those girls went out to try and steal him from you. They took everything they owned when they left. They weren’t coming back, Emma, period. I’ll bet they were trying to worm their way into what they thought was an easy life with Jaeden or one of those hot guys they said he was with. They left us without even a thank you for saving their spoiled, lazy asses to begin with! They deserved what they got for being selfish pricks,” she snapped angrily.

  “No, no one deserved to die as they did, Addy. They were torn apart, and Bonnie was raped, and the worst part? I couldn’t tell if it was before or after she was in pieces!”

  “Oh, well shit. That’s disturbing…” her expression softened a little as it looked like her thoughts warred between outrage, horror and disgust.

  “Exactly.”

  “Still, was he huge? Did you go down on him?”

  I blinked at the rapid rate of her words and disturbing change in conversation. “I didn’t go down on him,” I blew out exasperatedly and headed to the level where my room was.

  “Why not? Need to practice it? We have men here, and I’ve read 50 Shades of Grey, if he’s all controlling, sign me the fuck up!” Her arms were waving in excitement as she hustled to keep up with me.

  “You read that book?” I asked.

  “Five times already. I can’t stomach that romance shit. You think E. L. James survived the apocalypse? I hope she did, I need more books.”

  “You seriously need your ADHD meds,” I snorted as I tried to keep my eyes from rolling.

  “Yeah well, so what.”

  “Oh look! Squirrel!” I said with a smile on my lips.

  “Did he at least get off? You know if you don’t help him out, he gets balls which are blue and actually painful according to Daniel Anderson.”

  “You slept with Anderson?”

  “Why do you always call people by their last names? It’s disturbing, and no, how do you think I found out about his balls being blue?”

  “What the hell did you do to give him blue balls?”

  “I licked it, but I didn’t finish it. Kid wouldn’t get done and my jaw hurt. His loss.” She shrugged. “I was in a hurry to get home before Dad found out I’d snuck out. Told him he’d have to be fast, now I know that’s not such a good thing. Lesson learned.”

  “Oh, well…slut.”

  “Proud of it,” she smiled. “One of us has to be adventurous.”

  “I need to shower and then I need a scouting party. I think Jaeden knows where the wolves are, and I want to make sure that issue ends.”

  “So, you were going to fuck him? Or did you just part your legs and say hey baby, lick these cobwebs!” She waggled her eyebrows mischievously.

  “I don’t have cobwebs,” I bit out.

  “No, but you have to be the oldest living virgin left in America. So I have to make fun of you, even if you are my bestie.”

  “Yeah…well, scouting party, and don’t get distracted by a squirrel.”

  I entered my room and closed the door on her curiously eager face. I slid down it and yes, I thought about his mouth and where I wanted it. Soon. I’d never experienced anything like it, or him, and I wanted what he could give. I just wasn’t willing to let it cost another life.

  I headed to the showers and did my business as fast as I could. Once back in my room I decided to dress as if it was any other day, only a day with the living still in it. I skipped the shapeless black fatigues for a form fitting pair of jeans. I shimmied into a slim grey tank top and layered it with a black skull one. I then slid on the few necklaces I had left, and then set to putting on the harnesses for my weapons and gearing up. A quick brush through my hair and a French braid had me feeling a little more my old self.

  I left the room without my mask or the black hoodie. It was late summer, and I was tired of hiding. Yes it had worked to protect us, but I wasn’t hunting or hiding from men. I was hunting wild animals. I heard the others whispering as I walked through the shelter, and knew the moment Addy caught sight of me.

  “Hot damn! It’s the old I’m-a-badass-Emma!” She whistled.

  “Sure, party ready?”

  “Honey, if you plan on landing in his bed, I suggest you wear a skirt.”

  I shook my head at her. “We are going to the woods. Wearing skirts will just slow us down.”

  “Whatever,” she whined.

  “Scouting party?” I asked.

  She pointed behind me. I turned to find a huge group dressed as I normally did. “No masks today, we aren’t going into town. We’re hunting wolves. If you see a wolf, you shoot to kill. They may look like big dogs, but they’re not. They tore the girls up and it wasn’t for food. We will be setting up bear traps as well, it might catch them. If not, we’ll have more meat for winter. You will go in groups of four, and stay together. The rest of you, stay in touch with each other. Turn the walkie talkies to channel five and check in every fifteen minutes. Got it?” I just couldn’t bring myself to tell them that Bonnie had been brutally raped. I was sure of it, but the whole scene was too improbable.

  When they agreed and each group grabbed a set of traps, we headed out. I set out on foot, with the others, but when they went into the woods, I stayed to the fields. When I finally hit the section of woods on the other side, it was only to hear what sounded like grunting coming from one of the many houses there.

  The sound wasn’t coming from inside one of the houses though. One of Jaeden’s men had a woman pressed against a tree. Her legs were wrapped around his back as he drove himself inside of her. She screamed with pleasure as he grunted. One of his hands held both of hers above her head as his mouth covered her neck.

  I could have moved.

  I could have stopped watching as they took advantage of the end of the world and got it on in the forest.

  Instead I stood there and allowed my body to respond to what it was seeing. Heat furled in my stomach, and my mouth watered. My back arched as if it was me against that tree and Jaeden between my legs. I bit into the fullness of my lip to stifle the moan which almost broke free. I needed to leave, I reminded myself.

  I should have looked away sooner, but by the time I gave myself a mental shake and turned to move, I was stopped by a hand snaking around and covering my mouth. I felt my stomach drop sickeningly until Jaeden’s voice whispered softly against my ear.

  “Enjoying the show?”

  I shook my head but his reply was a throaty laugh that sent heat pulsing through my body. Instead of moving his hand from my mouth, his other hand dropped from my chest to press against the V between my legs.

  I moaned against his hand as I tried to avert my gaze, but his hand held me there, watching as the huge male drove his need into the willing woman. My nipples hardened as moisture pooled where his hand was cupping my sex. I felt my body go tight with want, as more cries erupted from the female.

  “You like watching?” Jaeden continued as he pulled my body against his. “You’re already wet, and your body is wound up with unspent need. Let me fix it, Emma, let me take you,” he whispered huskily as he walked me backwards from the couple carefully. It was a good thing he held me up like I was
nothing, because I didn’t think my legs could’ve held me up, much less been useful.

  When he stopped, he pulled me around until I was facing him. His mouth pressed against mine, and his tongue slipped between my lips and captured mine. Before I knew what he intended, I was on the leaf covered floor, and one of his much larger hands held mine captured above my head as his mouth wiped all reason from my mind.

  I moaned against his mouth as I kissed him back. His free hand worked my jeans until he had them undone, and his hand slipped in to press against the dampness. His skilled fingers slipped into my panties, and one entered me. I arched my hips to allow him better access without realizing it. I cried out at the pressure he created, and his mouth swiftly smothered my cries. He pumped his finger inside of me to a steady beat that complimented my heart’s rapid tempo. A fever spread through me, as even more tension built in my core.

  I could have stopped him, but I didn’t want the pressure to ease, to end. Instead, I kissed harder, and spread my legs for his touch, ignoring the awkwardness that the too-tight jeans were creating as he fought against them to slide another finger inside of me.

  “You’re so fucking wet,” he whispered as he continued to bring me toward the storm he was creating. “So tight, so fucking greedy. Can you feel your sweet pussy sucking my fingers off? I want it to be my cock,” he murmured as his mouth lowered to my neck and sucked softly against the artery there.

  I moaned louder without his mouth preventing it from coming out. He inserted yet another finger until I became uncomfortably full. I cried out at the ecstasy of his touch. What the hell was I doing? Why wasn’t I fighting him? I should have been, but instead I lifted my hips and rolled my head from side to side with the intense feeling his touch was igniting inside of me.

  He was stretching me. Filling me. I gasped as the sensation swept over me, consuming the need to fight him and replacing it with the need to accept what he offered. I cried out as he moved his fingers in and out of me, creating more wetness. It was painful, and yet in that moment, when he started really moving them, a fire tore through me as something more started to build inside of me.

  “You feel so good. So fucking wet and tight, little one,” he whispered against my ear as he pulled his fingers out and slid them back inside slowly.

  It was insane; we were on the forest floor and he was making me feel things I didn’t understand. Things I’d never dreamt of, and I was allowing it all over again. I felt desire burning in my lower abdomen, building as his fingers worked magic that shouldn’t be possible. He lifted his head, and looked down at me with a heat burning in his eyes that left me breathless, and boneless.

  “Jaeden,” I cried out as I yanked my hands out of his bigger ones and brought my hands up to his chest.

  “Is this what you need?” he asked, as his finger sank inside of me again. “I think it is,” he mouth came down to hover over mine as his hot breath fanned my mouth. He caught my bottom lip between his, and sucked on it and then bit the tender flesh, enticingly. Pain lingered with passion and pleasure, and mixed together to cause an earth shattering combination. I was coming undone. He was in control, and I wanted it. I wanted this, and it terrified me that I trembled for him. I was embarrassed by my own behavior and yet I wasn’t stopping him. I would, in a minute...or a couple...

  “I could destroy, and you’d let me. Wouldn’t you, sweet girl?” he breathed.

  “Yes,” I whimpered.

  I moaned as his fingers stretched me further, and he added another which made my entire body go tight like a guitar string. I moaned and arched my back for his touch, wantonly. It was as if I was starving and couldn’t get enough of it. Then, as suddenly as it started, it stopped, leaving me a writhing, heaving, sweaty, frustrated mess.

  He stood above me, his feet planted between my legs as he watched me struggle to put myself back together. I was wet, down there, again because of him. I was fighting for control over the feelings his touch had created. I couldn’t get up, and I wanted him to come back down and finish what he’d started. God help me, I wanted him now. It wasn’t what came out, because his words about destroying me were playing in my head.

  I watched him bring his fingers that had been inside me to his mouth, and one after another, he licked them free of my juices. It was erotic and exhilarating as he sucked them clean while I watched him.

  “You can’t admit what you want,” he said as he continued to watch me as he sucked at his long tapered fingers one by one.

  “I can,” I lied.

  “Is that so? Then tell me why you are soaking wet from my touch, and yet unsatisfied. Tell me why you allowed me to fuck you with my mouth and fingers, and yet nothing else, and answer me this; why the fuck didn’t you stop me sooner? You’re either a fucking cock tease, or a selfish bitch.”

  “Who keeps starting it?” I demanded, ready to punch him in the nose. Okay that was fair enough, but why was he being such an asshole? I felt a mixture of raw emotions boiling up. “We don’t belong together,” I said on a whisper. “You’d fuck me, and then you’d walk away without looking back, it’s what people like you do.”

  His eyes narrowed on me. I was pathetic. I felt it all the way to my toes. I had leaves in my hair from rolling on the ground with this man, and the things he made me feel were crazy.

  I made it back to my feet and glared at him. “Don’t ever touch me again, Jaeden,” I snapped when he didn’t argue with what I’d pointed out. “It’ll solve everything.”

  It was stupid. That snippy comment may as well have been a red flag waving at a bull. He moved so fast that I didn’t have time to turn and run away. I didn’t have time to think before I was pressed against a tree and his mouth was on mine, ravishing it. He pulled away and looked down his nose at me.

  “How can I stop when you respond to my kiss like this, every fucking time? Some days I smolder with the images of you in my bed, other days I hate you. I hate that you occupy my mind when I lie down to sleep, or that you are inside my mind at all. Then it hits me, Emma, I want to fucking destroy you. I want to take you to my bed and destroy you for every other man alive. I want to watch you come undone for me. I want to watch as you come, for me. I don’t like fucking games, not ones that don’t end with you filled full of me, sweet girl. I should bend you over and take what I want; you’d let me. Wouldn’t you?”

  “Please,” I begged unsure of what I was asking for. I wanted him. That little voice inside my head told me to run, while my body screamed how stupid I was for leaving this. They didn’t make men like him anymore, and I wanted him. Like some spoiled little child wanted a toy.

  “Tell me what’s stopping you from saying yes right this second, Emma,” he demanded.

  “I can’t do this, Jaeden.” Common sense said run, and that I’d never met anyone like him before. I wasn’t prepared for what he could do to me. He scared the crap out of me, and I wasn’t into taking chances. I had too many responsibilities to consider that were so much more important than having sex. He wasn’t asking for a relationship, he wanted to fuck and it was as simple as that to him. Meaningless sex, that’s all it would be. Addy wouldn’t have to think twice about jumping him. Me, I was a different story. I just wasn’t made that way and I wasn’t sure I could ever be all right with just scratching an itch.

  I wasn’t sure if the pros were outweighing the cons. On one side, I knew virtually nothing about him and his men and where the heck they’d come from, not to mention, something was seriously off about all of them. Then there was the chemical reaction he and I had together. I remembered the speech my father had given me when Bradly Allen had stood me up. Bradly had invited me out to one of the school dances, and I’d stood there decked out in my dress waiting for him until well after the dance had ended. I had really liked him and was devastated.

  My father had pulled me into the house, and explained to me that love couldn�
��t be forced. He’d told me “You can’t force chemistry to be there if it isn’t there. You can’t make someone love you; it’s just not how it works. It’s the same for when you find it; you can deny it. You can even lie to yourself, and pretend it isn’t there, but it is. Someday my, Emma, someone is going to make you feel as if you’ve been sleeping for your entire life, waiting just for them to find you.” I missed my dad, and his wisdom.

  Jaeden just watched me as I got lost in my own head. I closed my eyes as he expelled what sounded like a rapid fire spattering of cussing. “Why are you out here?” he asked as he adjusted his pants and stepped away from me.

  “I’m hunting the wolves.”

  “What if I could show you where they are? What would you be willing to give me?” he asked with his eyes on my mouth.

  “What would you want?”

  “I want to ride you for hours, to fuck you until you can’t scream anymore because your voice is gone from screaming my name; until your throat is fucking raw. I want to shove my hard cock inside your soft wet pussy until it’s ruined you for every other man’s touch.”

  Is that all? Sign me up and pin a tail on my ass! No, Emma, bad Emma.

  I wasn’t aware that my mouth had dropped open until he raised his hand and closed it. “That’s what I thought. That’s my price, Emma. You, for one entire night, doing anything I command you to,” he replied hoarsely.

  “Name something else,” I whispered not recognizing my own voice.

  “Get on your knees, and suck my cock.”

  “Why are you being such an asshole, Jaeden?” I shouted in frustration. I was soaking wet from his touch, from his fingers being inside of me. My nipples were as hard as pebbles and throbbing, which was new since I’d never once felt them do that before I met him.

  “Why are you telling me no when your body wants it?” he shrugged as he took a step toward me, and I took a giant step backwards.