Becoming his Monster Read online

  But I was. I felt hate, despair, and emptiness as deep and wide as the darkest abyss of Hell that grew inside of me. No amount of touching or feeling him would erase that. His close proximity did, however, soothe the coldness I felt to my bones.

  He paused as his hand touched the door, pushing it open as he stepped back, allowing me room to enter it. I strolled by him as though I wasn’t affected by him at all. I surveyed the dark room, which was done in hues of black and red silk, with a large bed set in the center of it. Just fucking great. Two things I didn’t need in my life at the moment: Lucian and a bed. The door closed behind me, and I turned to face him with my mask securely in place.

  “Tell me what you feel right now, in this room,” he ordered.

  “Nothing,” I muttered harshly as I swallowed hard against the need to have his hands on my flesh. Before last night, I hadn’t felt much of anything, but the moment he’d touched me…that changed. I’d felt him, whereas, before him, I knew I should feel. The others touched me in practice as we’d fought, and yet their touch hadn’t even alerted me to the fact that my skin had been grazed. Lucian’s touch singed my flesh, stirring emotions I’d prayed were unattainable. I’d felt him right down into the empty space that should have housed my soul, and it ached. I fucking ached. I’d felt his warmth and craved more. I’d felt emotions so raw and intense that it had terrified me. Even while I fought him, I craved his kiss, that sexy, sinful mouth that could take away the pain.

  We had some major issues that dying hadn’t fixed.

  “You don’t hunger, and you don’t sleep,” he pointed out softly, his tone a silk caress over my flesh. “So how do you heal?” he asked, his obsidian gaze slowly moving over the ruined dress I wore. It singed my flesh in its heated wake, sending gooseflesh pebbling across it.

  “I just heal,” I admitted as I turned away from the heat banked in his depths. I was terrified he’d see through the cold façade I was showing him. It was how I shielded myself from what I knew could unravel the hard exterior that protected me now. Out of everyone in my life, he’d known me on a visceral level. He’d peeled away the layers, finding the broken girl who lay beneath them. If he tried, he’d start to bring down the walls faster than I could repair them, and I wasn’t ready for that. I may not ever be prepared for what he could do to me again.

  “Every creature has a way that they heal which is unique to them and their breed. What’s your body telling you right now? What does it crave to heal the damage you did to your chest, Lena?” he questioned, his tone soothing as he delved into the mystery I’d become.

  I turned back to stare at him, finding him closer than I expected. His hand wrapped around my throat and I was pushed against the closest wall. I brought my hands up to his on reflex, staring into the dark, midnight eyes I’d craved as I lay awake inside my coffin. His mouth slammed against mine, and I moaned. His tongue pushed past my lips, devouring my tongue as it dueled against mine for dominance. I moaned, opening to his assault with a naked hunger I couldn’t ignore. Time passed, and yet I didn’t break his kiss, or pull away from him. His hand tightened, and I opened my eyes again, finding him watching me as he pulled away. He’d discovered a few things, like the fact that I didn’t need air anymore, and I wasn’t kissing him back. It wasn’t because I hadn’t wanted to kiss him back, it was because so many fucking emotions had slammed into me that tears had begun sliding from my eyes as the memories of our last kiss came rushing back.

  “Don’t touch me!” I screamed as I wrapped my arms around his back and yanked his hair, pulling his head away from mine. I dropped my weight, intending to attack him, but he backed up, his hands raised with their palms up as if he sensed my distress. He took in the black tears that leaked from my eyes, which had gone black as well. Gone was his beautiful Lena, and in her place was the darkness I’d become. The cold dead thing, the sunken eyes, and the monster that haunted my dreams stood before him.

  “You feel me, Lena. My touch, my kiss,” he murmured as he watched me for any sign of weakness.

  “I don’t want to feel anything!” I screamed, the sound piercing my ears, shattering everything made of glass inside the room. Heavy footfalls raced down the hallway and then the door was ripped open. We ignored them, staring at one another. “I don’t want to feel anything ever again, Blackstone.” It came out on a hiss, a warning of breath as my chest rose and fell.

  “Because then you’d have to face it, right? You’d have to feel everything at once, and you’re afraid to do so. You’re not fucking weak. You’re the strongest, most stubborn woman I have met in my entire life—and I am eternal. You don’t want to face your emotions because they’d be too much, wouldn’t they?”

  “I’m leaving,” I muttered as I started towards the door, only to find Spyder standing there, blocking my exit as he held my heart in his hands. “Really, Spyder? Throw it away already,” I sputtered.

  “Not a chance, Kitty cat,” he drawled thickly. “I feel it, everything you’re trying not to feel. It’s why you rip it out, isn’t it? So much fucking pain,” he said sadly.

  “Why don’t you tell me? You assholes seem to have it all figured out already. Why do you even need me here to answer questions?” I asked, and then something inside of me snapped to attention. My eyes moved to the wall as if I could sense trouble approaching. Everything inside of me snapped at once.

  I tried to dissipate the wards to vanish, but they refused. Instead, they pulsed, screaming in warning that they’d been altered. I pushed past Spyder, racing down the hallway with urgency. I took the stairs three at a time, rushing past the heads that lifted as I raced towards the front doors of the Guild. I didn’t pause, didn’t wait for permission as I exploded through the doors and screamed.

  “Incoming!” The scream turned every soulless pair of eyes in the vicinity towards me as weapons were unsheathed. I skidded to a stop beside Joshua, patting myself for weapons only to find none. “Fuck!” I screamed as I watched the others wincing, worry covering their faces. The issue when we fought was this: We changed. We evolved, and we didn’t know how or why we did, only that we did.

  Chapter 9

  The sky cracked loudly as thunder rumbled, lightning following close behind it, brightening the sky and the precarious clouds that threatened to let loose a heavy rain. It continued, growing stronger and louder as if some invisible being controlled it. Every bolt of lightning that exploded in the sky lit the silhouettes of monstrous beings that hovered just above the thick, darkening clouds. A monstrous horde of slithering, gyrating beings edged out of the shadows, encircling the Guild. We stood shoulder to shoulder, preparing to battle them. The taste and craving for battle ignited a fire inside our beings.

  I ignored Lucian and his scent that clung heavily in the air, beckoning me like a lover’s caress with the promise of release. He’d fucking kissed me, and so many emotions had exploded through that it terrified me, leaving me boneless with need. I’d felt more in those seconds as his mouth touched mine than I had since the day I’d slit my throat.

  Another bolt of lightning crashed through the sky, lighting it up as winged creatures began their descent towards us. I once again reached for my swords and found only mere wisps of spaghetti straps. Oomph. I stepped backwards, rounding on my heels as I leveled Synthia with a cold, detached look of loathing.

  “A little help, you took my clothes and my weapons.”

  “So I did,” she shrugged as if it bothered her little, but my body was instantly covered in a tight leather suit that hugged every curve perfectly. I tested it, noting that it allowed me to still easily maneuver. My dual swords were back, or at least the equivalent to what I’d had before they’d taken them. I unsheathed them, palming the weight and testing it. I patted my waist, finding more blades as a smile curved my lips.

  “You and I should be friends,” I uttered as I took in the craftsmanship of the new blades. I turned on my heel, taking my place be
side my brother as I sensed the immense power she radiated as she stepped next to me, withdrawing her own blades.

  “We could be friends, but you need to work through your shit first. I’m a queen; you’re…well, whatever the fuck you are now. When you figure it out, come see me. I can use some badass bitches around here. We can paint our nails and compare weapons.” I eyed her titanium blades as she leveled a chilling gaze on the monsters that approached. “You have issues, Lena, but if you learn to use that anger for good, you’d level the fucking field with it.”

  “I didn’t ask to have issues,” I muttered beneath my breath.

  “We never ask for issues,” she smiled sadly, her tone gentle. “It’s not about how you fall, Lena. It is how you get back up that defines you. Not that you didn’t fall fucking spectacularly. I mean, that took strength, and I really don’t care what the fuck you are. I’m glad you’re back, however it happened. And it’s not gone; it’s just waiting for you to find it again.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about? I don’t speak code, Synthia.”

  “Your light, asshole,” she snorted. “It is there, inside of you. Nothing can smother your fucking light except for you. Light it up, Lena. Let the world see the fire that burns inside of you. If they try to smother it, smother them. If it’s Lucian, use your tits and smother him. Works on Ryder all the time; you see, he can’t very well argue if his face is in them, now can he?” she chuckled as my mouth dropped open. “You’re pushing them away to protect them, but who is protecting you from being hurt?”

  “I don’t need to be protected anymore,” I growled as the monsters moved forward, close enough to attack. They had multiple heads, red eyes, and pasty grey skin that clung to bones as if they’d been starved. It looked like someone had bred Cerberus with a hellhound, who had then mated with a fucking zombie. The stench of them was overpowering, roiling my stomach as I swallowed down the urge to throw up. Black-eyed demons stood behind them, smirking through yellowed teeth as they watched us prepare to battle their horde of monstrous three-headed dogs. I swung at the first dog’s heads, plural, taking all three off in a single, efficient swing.

  “Everyone needs someone, even if that someone is a dominating asshole who bosses you around,” Synthia growled as she lunged for a hound that started towards me. She cut it in half, her swing graceful as she ended it in a skillful move that sent all three heads rolling onto the pavement as if she was a dancer who had practiced her craft to outdo any move I could make. I frowned, staring at her.

  “The fuck is your issues, ladies?” Erie growled as she jumped on another beast, slamming the outside heads into the middle one as blood exploded from their mouths. She didn’t bother with weapons as her hands glowed, her body a magical display as it slid through them as if she was fire and they were ice. She smiled at me as blood dripped from her clothing.

  “Girl talk,” Synthia said as if it explained everything.

  “Bitch talk, really? Right now? Are we going to fuck them up or check out each other’s nails? Mine are fucking broken because I’m fighting, as I should be. You?” she snapped, staring at Synthia, who lifted her hand and bared her nails.

  “Happy Anniversary,” Synthia said.

  “It’s not my anniversary for shit,” Erie snapped and narrowed her eyes on me as if I’d know what the fuck Synthia was speaking of.

  “It’s the nail color, and if these fuckers mess them up, this Goddess is going to lose her shit. I’m on the last bottle of this color, and the factories are closed down because supply and demand is shit with the nearing apocalypse.”

  I rolled my eyes and exploded into the air, landing in the middle of the fray. I slashed and danced until my arms ached and burned as blood oozed down my face, lathering my hair in it. I was so engrossed in the battle that when I used my blades to scissor a demon’s head from his shoulders, I almost took off Lucian’s too as he watched me.

  “I’m not done with you,” he shouted over the sound of swords clanking and meeting in the street.

  “Yes, you are,” I shouted back, turning to attack the nearest demon and pausing as the red being stared at me. “What the fuck?”

  “Don’t kill the red one!” Ristan growled as he stared me down. “It’s easier to fight in this form. I’m the only red one here,” he shrugged as he pushed his hand through the chest of a pale creature and withdrew the heart, biting into it.

  Eww.

  “Fucking demons,” I groaned as I turned around, only to end up nose to chest with Lucian. “Back the fuck off or fight me, asshole!” I demanded.

  “I’ve been fighting you. I’ve been fighting you since the moment I fucking met you and kissed you outside of your house!” he shot back angrily, his midnight eyes burning with desire.

  The sky erupted into balls of flames and heat enveloped us. I stared up; sensing something big was above us, just out of eyesight. It took effort not to hit the ground as leathery wings came into view, sending my hair rushing into the air as it landed feet away from where I stood, tearing into the demons. Huge teeth severed them in half, tossing body parts in the giant beast’s wake.

  “Oh fuck this shit, I’m out,” I groaned as I threw my hands up in the air in frustration. “Who the fuck brings a dragon to a demon fight,” I blanched as it turned to stare in my direction with glowing eyes as blood dripped from its talons.

  “He’s on our side,” he explained, grabbing a demon who rushed at him and removing its head quickly with a bored expression on his face. I blinked and frowned as he turned back towards me, his eyes smiling with anticipation.

  “You might want to fill the Fae in on that one, they don’t look too pleased about his presence,” I pointed out. The moment Lucian turned away to see what I’d meant, I bolted.

  The fight was dying down, but no matter how many we took down, even as the last few fell beneath our blades, I couldn’t shake the foreboding feeling that continually grew inside of me. I stood in the middle of the carnage and stared up at the thick clouds still gathering above us. Demons couldn’t control the weather, or at least not any we’d faced in the last few months. They simply didn’t house enough power to control elements.

  “This isn’t over yet,” I shouted over the multitude of people talking as they cleaned their weapons.

  I felt him, close enough that whatever was inside me that drew me to this place, to him, alerted as if alarm bells were sounding from within me. I spun around, slashing my weapons out to protect. Lucian spun out of the way at the last second as something with wings landed in front of him, claws aimed to end his life.

  My heart boomed, coming back online as red-hot rage surged from within, My nose flared, smelling the putrid scent of burning earth, brimstone, and ashes as the taint of evil slithered over my flesh. Thick black wings with bones that protruded from the edges blocked my way, and I moved without thinking, without waiting to see what it did. I jumped on it, biting its face from behind as it let loose a pain-filled scream that cut through the air. It ripped at my hair, my face as it tried to dislodge me. My teeth extended, ripping and severing flesh as I screamed back, gurgling blood as I tore it apart.

  “Run, Lucian!” I shouted, demanding he listen in case I lost the fight, but he didn’t budge. Instead, he just stared at me. Burning blue flames lit him from within as he took me in, fighting to protect him from whatever the fuck this thing was. “Lucian, go!”

  The creature dug its nails into my arm, and I screeched as pain burned. Black blood leaked down my severed flesh as I continued to stare at Lucian, fuming that he’d place his life in danger, which pissed me off since I shouldn’t fucking care and yet here I was, fighting tooth and nail to protect him!

  I saw red, my nails exploded into serrated claws, and I tore at the creature without thought, without care. I ripped it apart with teeth and nails that were as sharp as the finest blades. Blood exploded from its neck, and my hands ripped into where
I’d torn it apart, removing the head from the spine as I flipped over, landing in a bloody heap in front of Lucian. My hands went to my back, digging against the pain that echoed through my body.

  I ripped my flesh from my own body, screaming as earth-shattering pain threatened to consume me. I ripped at my spine, tearing through the suit I wore as my hands found the flesh that rippled and obstructed them. I freed them. I exhaled as something broke free, slicing through the air behind me. Black gossamer wings whipped the air behind me as I stood before Lucian in the ruined leather suit. I whimpered as pain mixed with pleasure and my spine arched to relieve the pressure.

  “Gods,” Lucian whispered as he stared at me, watching as I fumbled with the weight that now forced me to my knees. I rose to my feet, teetering on them as I tilted my head, staring at Lucian with a hunger that raged within me. I struggled to calm the panic that welled inside of me as the wings stretched.

  “I don’t think that is what she is,” Synthia said as she brought her hand up and a short, backless shirt covered my naked breasts. I wanted to thank her, but words were elusive as the pain mingled and lessened as chills rushed down my spine.

  One of the soulless stepped closer to Lucian, and everything inside of me turned cold. Her hand extended, touching his chest, and I moved, thoughtlessly, uncaring that she wasn’t foe as I reached her, ripping her head from her body and then watching emotionlessly as she dropped to the ground, dead. I stared at Lucian who was splattered in her blood and smiled.

  “He’s mine,” I uttered through the heaviness of my tongue.

  I turned to Synthia who put her hands up in a motion of surrender and stepped away from Lucian’s side. “Alpha bitch in the house, everyone back up. He’s yours, we won’t touch him, promise. You earned this one, Lucian. She’s becoming your monster, enjoy it.”